A long career in franchising has taught me how challenging it is to give vital feedback. I’ve talked in previous articles about the importance of empathy in leadership. Unfortunately, empathy is a double-edged sword! Empathy can help you better understand the people under your charge, but may also prevent you from providing necessary feedback. Delivering honest feedback, even in a candid way, can bruise egos and feel difficult.
Early in my franchising career I worked with a number of franchise partners who had been highly successful in their careers. I often found myself ‘speaking up’ to these people, not wanting to be insulting or disrespectful. In many cases, avoiding uncomfortable conversations left critical issues unresolved. Some of these issues eventually blew up into problematic, brand-damaging problems to resolve!
By avoiding uncomfortable conversations you actually do a disservice to your franchise partners. Some franchise partners have invested everything into your franchise, so as a minimum they deserve honesty. Because of this, not providing honest, critical feedback is perhaps the worst thing a franchisor can do.
A Challenge For Franchise Support Teams…
For people in franchise support roles, finding the right balance of ‘tough love’ can be challenging. Ultimately, the answer comes back to coaching with compassion. The first step in this process is to ask the franchise partner if they are comfortable with me being their “uncomfortable friend” – when the need arises.
By framing it this way, I have received hundreds of permissions from franchise partners to provide honest feedback when necessary. Asking permission upfront is a simple step, but most franchisors don’t do it.
First, you ask for permission. Out of the hundreds of times I’ve done this, no one has ever refused. But I don’t stop there; I always go deeper. I’ll add something like, “You’ll never forget this conversation, especially at some point in the future, because the time will come when I need to be your uncomfortable friend. At that point, I’ll refer back to this conversation and we’ll reconnect.”
This statement embeds itself into their subconscious. It’s not a matter of IF, but WHEN the need for an uncomfortable conversation will arise. Such a conversation will always be necessary at some point.
Uncomfortable conversations will need to happen when the franchise partner is at their most vulnerable (often when things are not going well). The very nature of having an uncomfortable conversation is because something needs to be addressed. Because of this, the recipient of your feedback will feel exposed.
Critical feedback triggers a negative emotional response in our brains. Even if you soften your feedback, it can still be difficult for the other person to hear. As humans, we typically react defensively. Even if people say, “I know you’re telling me this for my own good,” they often start to defend themselves and provide reasons.
This pushback is a natural defence mechanism. If you don’t handle this pushback correctly, you become the uncomfortable friend without having the desired impact. Which ends up being uncomfortable for everybody!
The message might be understood, but in a way that leads them to take it on board and make the necessary changes. Every uncomfortable conversation has layers involving the subject, cause, and effect. Sometimes you have to dig deeper to uncover the real issues.
I recall one particular conversation. The individual had agreed at the beginning that he was happy for me to be his uncomfortable friend when necessary. He was failing significantly, and I reminded him of our previous conversation, which he remembered. I asked if he was still okay with me being his uncomfortable friend in this situation, and he acknowledged that he was.
We went through the issues at hand, identifying the causes, but he reacted defensively providing reasons and excuses. It wasn’t until we discussed the real impact that the conversation hit home…
His house was on the line. He had invested a significant six-figure amount. He had no clients, and the money he invested was dwindling with nothing to show for it. It wasn’t until I pointed out that he was on a path leading to the loss of his property and everything important to him and his family that he truly understood the gravity of the situation.
Coaching With Compassion
Coaching with compassion provides a tangible framework for understanding what happens in our brains during these interactions. Most people feel uncomfortable being an uncomfortable friend, which is the first hurdle. The second challenge is that even when they become comfortable with it, they often fail to execute it effectively.
Coaching with compassion is, first and foremost, about linking everything to an individual’s hopes and dreams. The aim is to trigger a positive emotional response before giving any difficult feedback.
When the message you need to deliver is unpleasant, you can’t simply sandwich it between positive elements like hopes and dreams. The “shit sandwich” approach doesn’t work because there’s more nuance. This process needs to be set up correctly from the beginning, including understanding the individual’s hopes and dreams and ensuring they are playing to their strengths.
For example, I know that marketing is important for my business. While I can help others with strategy and execution, I am unlikely to prioritise marketing tasks myself. An uncomfortable friend would point out that as marketing isn’t my strength or passion, I should outsource it. However, some people might insist that I need to develop my marketing skills, which for me might hinder things even more!
When faced with tasks that don’t align with our strengths, people will acknowledge the need but not take action. So, it’s essential to peel back the layers and address the core issues – while linking actions to their hopes and dreams. This helps them move away from potential negative outcomes, such as losing their house, and reinforces faith in their capabilities.
One intervention here is to involve an independent third party, such as through a system like Franchology. The third party is seen as having no vested interest in the franchisor’s revenue, which can help build trust and facilitate more effective coaching.
The principles I’m discussing here are universal and not specific to franchising. For instance, I could be giving advice to a family member, who might readily ignore my advice. Then a third party comes along offering the same advice and hey presto – suddenly it makes perfect sense to them! They acknowledge the advice, even though I might have said the same thing years ago. The source of the message can affect its reception, even if the content is identical.
So however you go about it, tor your message to be taken seriously and received with a positive emotional attractor, you must be perceived as the ‘uncomfortable friend’. We all need uncomfortable friends, both at home and in a successful franchising relationship.
All of this is why the franchise support team is one of the most valuable roles in any franchise organisation. Firstly, you need the right people in these roles. Secondly, they need to be well-trained, supported and mentored.
Without training and support, your support teams will coach for performance instead of coaching with compassion. Anyone can coach for performance; coaching with compassion is a higher-level skill, but one that underpins long-term franchising success.
We aren’t dismissing or ignoring performance by doing this. Performance is still a crucial element, but the way it is delivered is key. The franchise partner needs to realise for themselves what needs to change. They must be open enough to admit they need help (which is challenging). If the dosage isn’t right and they only receive the brutal, hard facts without any other support, it won’t work in the long term. The franchise partner will ignore your advice and push back, perhaps even sabotaging themselves in the process. You’re then left wondering why the franchise partner is causing you so many problems!
Hiring a good franchise support team represents a significant investment for a franchisor. Hiring good franchise support people is not cheap, but I encourage you not to cut corners. Franchise support is a challenging role. These individuals can face nasty responses from franchise partners, especially when they are in the ‘blame stage’.
To mitigate this, franchise support teams need proper training in coaching with compassion. They must understand the nuances of communication and recognise how their words impact the franchise partner. This involves not just self-awareness but also an awareness of the partner’s perceptions and emotions. The franchise partner must understand that the coaching is in their best interest, not just to protect the franchisor’s revenues! The goal is always to create a supportive environment where franchise partners feel genuinely helped and understood.
Franchising can be a frustrating endeavour, at times. As a franchisor, watching problems unfold can feel like watching a train crash in slow motion. When this happens, there’s a tendency to rush straight to the solution. But the question is, will the solution be accepted by the franchise partner? Before jumping in to ‘fix things’ you must first establish the necessary foundations.
Creating a safe space is essential for the franchise partner to take action. This process requires empathy and emotional intelligence, but also a thick skin to handle the inevitable backlash. It can be challenging and emotionally taxing, as you are genuinely trying to help, yet sometimes feel like you’re being attacked!
Ideally, these conversations should happen in person, or at least over the phone. The more uncomfortable the conversation, the greater the need for in-person support.
Thinking back to my own experience of supporting franchise partners, I used to think it was the franchise partner’s fault for ignoring what I was saying. Now, I realise it was my fault for not creating an environment where they could understand and accept the feedback. You’re requiring them to be vulnerable, so you have to create a space and an environment for that to happen.
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